Reflective Essay: Last Post

As summer approaches and the last few days of the semester pass slowly by, I always seem to look back on the months of schooling and wonder if it'd been time well spent. Every year I've struggled with the decision between college and a job. Every year I, like many of my fellow students, wondered if I was wasting my life on an education. Especially now, in this time when keeping a job is a blessing and living off part time work isn't sustainable, continuing in college seems even more foolish. So I sit here once more, contemplating the life I've chosen, feeling halted, and wondering if this semester has helped me in succeeding even a tad bit towards the future of my choosing. 

I've decided thats its been an essential semester. For about two years before this semester I was struggling with writing just about anything. I'd fell into a sort of writing rut and wasn't truly able to pull myself out. So this semester I took an abundance of English classes, hoping that by being pressed to write I could push myself free of my block. One thing I didn't think about was the overload of papers that came with this and therefore the lack of sleep, but I made it through. This semester I have written more papers and read more books than I have in the past two years. It's been a haul, I'll admit that. It's been a struggle to find the energy or spirit to write even the tiniest of things, but all this work I think has truly helped me. Despite the fact that I still find it moderately difficult to start I paper, I no longer feel trouble after getting past that first line. Perhaps it was the practice, or the several examples I got from reading so much, but either way it has helped me improve.

I'm hoping that this work has pushed me out of my rut. It seems to have helped a fair bit and lord knows I'll need these skills if I plan to do anything with an English degree. I think one of the biggest things I have learned this semester is how to analyze literature and find deeper meaning in the works we've read. From this class and my Fiction Writing class, I've learned to look past the surface of what I read. I look at the subtle things and the seemingly meaningless circumstances, and I am reminded that no word on a page is meaningless. If the author took time to write it than it has purpose. I have a feeling this will come in handy. In the future, when I hope to one day be a book publisher, I'll need to remember how to look at stories, not just in the overall picture but in pieces as well. I'll need to remember how to see a story for more than just my initial reaction and that is something I've been able to slightly grasp this semester. With more practice I am hoping to one day be able to do it easily. 

Overall, I believe this semester hasn't been a waste. I think I've accomplished some things, being pulled from my block being one of the biggest accomplishes. I still need practice and further examples to get better. I still have a lot of reading ahead of me, but I feel like this semester has been a good one. I'm hardly ever certain that college has been the right decision, but I believe after this semester that it is. My rut had weakened my self-confidence, and now with being at least partially released from doubt maybe I can make some decent headway into my potential career. Its been a helpful semester. I don't regret it at all.

The Moviegoer

As far as stories go, I will admit that The Moviegoer has not been one of my favorites. It was well written, I will give it that, but my biggest beef with the story was not its form or its content, but more its leading character. Binx to me was completely unlikeable. I had some extreme issues trying to grasp Binx and his overall make of life. He seemed wishy-washy, fussy, and an overall pain. Plus his attitude towards woman really irked me. It did dawn on me that perhaps I wasn't meant to like this character. After all, not all stories are written so that you grow fond of their characters. Some are flat out meant to annoy. In that sense, Binx did quite well. 

Now as for finding what he was looking for, it would have been far easier to determine if the character himself knew what he was looking for. A better job? A different career? A better, lasting relationship? Religion? I was never quite sure what the character was ultimately seeking. If I had to guess, I'd probably settle on an overall understanding of life. It's a basic desire, something most humans at one point or another really try to figure out. Self purpose, why are we here? Maybe Binx was ultimately concerned with his own humanity. After the death of Lonnie it's more painfully obvious example of his mortality.

In the end, I'd decided that Binx had found what he was looking for, although us as readers are not entirely certain what that thing is. The character just simply seemed more at ease, stronger, and prepared. Perhaps he was just adapting. Perhaps he was settling to pick up the place of where his brother left off. Perhaps he had decided to focus on Kate. Either way, I think he found something. There didn't seem to be anymore underlying loathing or prodding questions. Just ease. Whatever Binx found, this ending brought a little hope to a character I wasn't very fond of. Maybe he could be decent after all.

Geography III

First of all, I'd like to say that poetry has never been my forte. It's always been one of those things that I've never had a knack for, struggled with, and for that reason have become generally not fond of. I've always had problems with its structure as it constantly leaves me feeling lost and like I'd need to be in the authors head to simply understand it. That said, I was surprised at how easy Elizabeth Bishop's poetry seemed to make sense.

At first I'd been skeptical. When I saw that 'Geography III' was chalk full of poetry, I remember groaning and thinking this was going to be a long read. Instead, it went by pretty quickly. Bishop's style of writing was far easier to understand than I thought, and her description of the world around her was detailed and breath taking.

The title, 'Geography III' relates to Bishop's book theme of nature and scenery in each poem. She displays the world she lives in and the obscure cultures that exist around the world in contrast to hers. Like 'In the Waiting Room', which is Bishops outlook on a different world than the one she's known through the pages of a National Geographic magazine. Or 'The Moose' which displays the majestic change of passing life through a bus ride. Bishop describes this world through thick, beautiful details and opens our eyes a little more to the life that is existing around us.

'Geography III' although a misleading title at first glance, is very good. It paints a beautiful picture of the world that we don't normally take the time to truly look at. Bishop's poems seem to take life and slow it down, long enough for us to notice all the little things that make our world unique.

Glengarry Glen Ross

As someone who had worked in real estate, even as just an office assistant for a short while, I have to say I was generally surprised at how true this play was to reality. The characters interactions, their mannerisms towards customers, the cut throat world of it all was spot on to the people I had once worked with. Levene was the most true to me because I once knew a man who did business just like this, making up bold lies and almost changing personalities entirely as soon as he picked up the phone. Its this closeness to realism that made me like the play so much. At parts it dragged along with the dreary life of these men, but it kept your attention with its gruff and naturalistic dialogue. The characters were also incredibly thought out and true despite your lack of knowledge about their pasts (but in reality, your past doesn't matter in this sort of business).

Now on to the question at hand. The women. What is to be said about the women, or lack thereof, in this play? Do I see this play as anti-feminist? Surprisingly, no. It never crossed my mind that this play might in any way be trying to down the feminine view. True, it challenged the level of masculinity about the characters, and the women were never physically present, but all these women never seemed negatively displayed to me. I know that seems strange coming from me, considering my last post was a feminist rant gone mad, but I simply just do not see this play in that light. Possibly because I have worked in that environment and realize that this sort of language they use might appear derogatory but actually could be just another coy to appeal to the customer. The men I worked with spoke like this to their customers and each other. It was a mans world in a way and they all constantly had to challenge each other like a pack of dogs. To their co-workers and customers faces they might say anti-feminist things, if the customer was male, but one of them explained this to me one time of appealing to the male nature.

“Men,” he said, “draw power from competition and dominance. By nature they wish to be above the woman, for what reason? Protection, importance. A man's role in the core of life is to breed and protect, its what we are fundamentally built for, so naturally we see woman as subordinate, or at least thats what we want our fellow man to think. How do you think any one of us would be treated if everyone knew the truth, that our wives actually have us by the balls? Not a one of us would survive in a male occupied work place if we all admitted what we really are, second to our wives. By nature a man would tear up another man who admitted this, even though its likely he's in the same position as the one he's accusing to be whipped. So we pretend, and we appeal to other men who also pretend, because this way we appear stronger than our female opposites, although we all know its just bull.”

So although this habit annoys me, I could see where this was coming from. Although I don't condone female suppression in any way, I can understand how the men of this job needed to display themselves that way to save their own skins. Its unfortunate, but its true.

In all, do I think this play and its role of women was anti-feminist? No. I think it is true to the realism of the play, the time, and the behaviors that arise in this sort of male dominated work place. I could be wrong, but I see all these actions in the play as being very fake and untrue, since none of the characters are really ever themselves. They all put up a front and act, trying to appeal to the world around them. In essence, I think this play brings out the worst in men more than it does in women. It shows them at their most cut throat and deceptive, neither of which to me are good qualities.

King Lear- Feminine Rant

First and foremost, I should really state that this play wasn't one of my favorites. Although Shakespeare is somewhat widely known for his tragedies, this one was a little too catastrophic for my liking. The entire play seemed to be headed in a downward spiral from the beginning, and even with the presence of the insightful Fool, it just all was way too grim.

That stated, I was rather surprised by Coppelia Kahn's argument. I hadn't thought about the story from that angle. Saying that King Lear was simply coming in to his 'feminine side', which he had long so denied, makes a bit of sense. I'd thought it was just a revelation, or maybe a bit of clarity in his madness, but I suppose the femininity is somewhat likely.

Still, I'm not certain I agree with this statement. These times in Lear's life were his most weak and his most fragile. It was a man broken that was speaking this way, a man who had lost everything that held him in power. To compare this stage in his life as to coming to grips with his 'inner woman' to me seems a little offensive. I'm not saying coming to grips with the inner woman is a bad thing, oh no, it can be healthy, but what I am saying is that to state this time in Lear's life, a time that displayed him as frail, to me was like just another way to say woman are weak.

I think in part that Kahn is right, Lear does come to terms with a more gentle side of himself. He does accept tears and vulnerability, but the feminist in me isn't sure why this has to mean he's feeling his 'female side'. The man has fallen to his lowest low and now he can feel girly? What does that mean exactly? That because women feel we are low? We are weak and frail because we aren't afraid of tears? Or feelings? Or a little humility? To me, that's what it seems she is saying. Now that Lear has been broken he can grasp the most basic forms of humanity, emotion.

Emotion is also not strictly sex based. Yes, through history woman have been considered the more emotional. But can't what men display be considered emotion? War, strength, the need to protect. Men are known for these actions, but how can they not be emotional? Men go to war because they feel strongly about a cause; men admire strength because it is power; they protect what they love. Cause, power, love, these are all emotions and they aren't strictly feminine based. Emotion is not solely female. So the fact that Kahn seems to state that Lear can only succumb to emotions when he accepts the feminine nature is to me saying “Lear can only feel when he's weak like a woman”.

Emotions aren't weak, but the way the story is it seems to make them out as either weakness or madness, and the fact that Kahn says these fragile times are because he's becoming feminine is a little annoying to me. Having emotions doesn't make one weak, and it doesn't make females any less.

An Emotional Cocktail

I'm partial to comic books. I'll admit that up front before I start into any long winded thinking. I'm a comic book fan, one of those nerds who'd hang out in the comic shops with her nose jammed in the paper folds. That stated, I'd have to say I was pleasantly surprised by this story. When I first opened this book I wasn't certain I'd enjoy it. I looked at the art work and the skeptic in me thought, "Ummm... did a ten year old draw this?". Come to find out it was actually a good move on the authors part. The artwork didn't distract from the message the book was stating and the stories point of view was accented by the almost child like drawings. Still, its the overall message of the story thats the kicker. The story of a world not many of us would know much about.

Now on to the point. Politics and sentiment, do they mix? First let me say, they always end up that way. People create the politics, they uphold them, and humans as a whole are emotional beings. Keeping our emotions out of our political pool doesn't come naturally to us. Separating logic from emotion is something only the Vulcans can do (yes, I am aware of how much a nerd I am for just making a Star Trek reference). Anyways, what I'm trying to say is as long as people have individual minds, feelings, and opinions, we can never keep politics and sentiment from mixing together. 

So since politics and sentiment are naturally destined to blend together, do they work? My opinion is no, they do not. Especially in the case of this story, where the political power was predominantly controlled by one man. A whole country under one man's rule, its bound to fail. In this case, you are asking an entire society to follow one man's ideals, which is certain to create animosity. As I stated, people are emotional beings and often single minded. They don't like to be forced. But in the story, the political powers did try to suppress the community into their way of thinking. This created sentiment, which created anger, which fueled a rebellion, which left the country vulnerable to more extremist views, which then lead to a sort unbalanced way of life, which lead to chaos. In all, this high level of sentiment destroyed a political system and a society. 

Politics are not meant to be an emotional thing. It is supposed to be clear, logical, and unbiased, but because it is run by people who will never be entirely those things, politics will always be swayed by sentiment. In the end, too much emotion in politics can destroy a world. Emotion is best left on the human level, from person to person, between families and friends. 

Getting There

Dr. Watson should know, I'm not good at this blog thing. Soooo, I'll post on the story as soon as I figure out what the assignment is. Yea... being sick sucks. Damn you crappy immune system.